Friday, July 31, 2009

Stop telling my kid that she's cute. PLEASE!

Alright, I have two beautiful kids. Every mom has beautiful children. Unfortunately people feel the need to tell her that, or tell me that, in front of her, all the time. I know that people think that they are being kind, or doing this because they think it's what I want to hear. And YES, it's nice to get compliments on your kids.

And I want my kids to have good self esteem. But I would much rather have that self esteem come primarily from behaviors and attributes that they have control over. Not based on something that she/they have no control over. I don't wish for my child to value and grow to need affirmation that she is "beautiful" based on some random and subjective image that a person or society may have.

What do I value, and want my kids to value? Kindness, generosity, humor, empathy, friendship, independence, and the like. I think that we, as a society, need to begin to recognize, and nurture these values, and not fall back on "wow, what a cute/beautiful/gorgeous kid you are.

Now I'm left with a toddler who has started talking about how cute she is. "I'm so cute" is the last thing that I want to have fall out of my kid's mouth. Because now what the hell do I do? She is, and I want her to have a good image of her self, so I'm not about to make fun of her or tell her she isn't all that. But I despise this.


  1. Nothin' doin'. She's cute.

    Besides, I don't have to deal with what happens. I can just give her 17 sugar cookies and tell her she's cute and send her on home to mom.

    But I'm evil that way.

  2. I get this with Chloe all the time. And it goes to her head. So when Chloe starts to act like a bitch I tell her she is acting ugly and she needs to stop. I also constantly tell her that being a smart and nice person is way more important than how someone looks.
    You will just have to reality check her ass. It may not be nice but you can't have her growing up thinking she is the prettiest girl around, even if she is.

  3. My brother in law got pissed the day his mother said that our son was the most beautiful Tupy baby she had ever seen. I didn't know whether to laugh because he was pissed or because she back-handedly(?) complimented herself.