Saturday, August 15, 2009

How old are your children?

It's probably a very good thing that someone got to how we age our children, namely, by using years, before I did. How old is your kid? 11 years old. You get the point.

It would look very different if I were allowed to dictate how we would do it. It would all relate to where we place our sex toys in relation to their developmental stages. Take this following example:

"How old is your kid?"
"She's 2 and a half. Can you believe it?"
"Wow, it seems like just yesterday that she was a newborn. Before you know it, she'll be driving!"

Under my rules, it would go something like this:
"How old is your kid?"
"She's 'hide the dildos in the top dresser drawer'. Can you believe it?
"Wow, it seems like just yesterday she was 'dildos strewn on the night table'. Before you know it, she'll be 'dildos hidden behind the cleaning supplies so they don't borrow them'!"

Now we all know the ramifications of not taking the proper precautions for our growing children and our toys. Unfortunately for me, we had a slip up when Layla was little.

Layla was just walking when she came out of our bedroom with a vibrator clutched proudly and tightly in her little hands like a Grammy. Wait, no. Grammies suck. Like an Emmy. Yeah, an Emmy. That little incident led to our first 'putting up' of our toys. And we've been more vigilant of staying one step ahead, ever since.

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