Tuesday, August 25, 2009

This One and That One

The children who live with me, they who must not be named, are known to me today as This One and That One. Done with an angry thumb jab in their direction. It was easy when I only had one kid, she was known as “that baby that lives with us” on days like this. Now with two, I have to be creative. So, This One and That One. Creative, huh?

Why the use of such terms of endearment today? Simply, they suck. They suck, they suck, they suck. Layla, I’m so sick of the word potty, I could scream. I hated it before I had kids, and now I LOATHE it. Fucking potty this, potty that, potty in my underwear, potty on the floor, potty, potty, potty. I’d rather we call it the shitter.

Evie, oh Evie. If you dig your toes of steel into stomach while I’m sleeping again, or use your mighty mouse grip of death on my hair again, you’re going to be disappeared. I’m about reading to use a little baby straight jacket on your ass and make you sleep with the dog. That’s right kid, I’m gunning for ya.

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