Saturday, September 5, 2009

And So I Let Go

I'm one of those weird women who love being pregnant. Even when I was sick the entire pregnancy with Evie, I LOVE feeling a life growing within me. Knowing that I am creating life. Creating life, could women be any fucking cooler?

I feel much the same way about breast feeding. It astounds me that I, alone and by myself, can sustain my child's life. I loved nursing Layla, and I love sharing this with Evie. I'm pretty sure I'll be one of THOSE women who will go until she self weans. Okay, not like YouTube lady with her crazy boob naming kids, but we'll go for a long time, if she chooses.

So you understand how difficult taking the first step towards weaning was for me today. Evie turns 6 months old tomorrow. I can no longer ignore the pleading eyes while we sit together at the dinner table. The lunges at the spoon. Hell, even chewing. As much as I want to only nurse and keep that door of weaning closed completely, it's not what Evie needs right now.

And so I let go. I let go of my last child being completely and utterly dependent on me. Never again will I have someone need me on such a profound level. Ever. It's gone. That connection that I treasure and have been honored to experience, is no more.

That chunk of banana clenched in your tiny fist may have been the start of a whole new world of experiences and pleasures for you. But to me, it is the end of the beginning and the beginning of the end. And as much as it pains me, for you, Evie, I let go.

Rent is due on the 1st.


  1. I, too, wanted to hold off on food for a long time, this being my last bebe to nurse. But he has other ideas. Stupid bebes and their big ideas.

  2. Oh April I just went through that with Pi and I felt the same way you do. She still loves nursing but she is also starting to really like food too. I am not as sad about it as I was a few weeks ago, but still my last baby is no longer totally dependent on me. Now if I walk out of the room she totally looses her shit so at least she wtill wants me around.