Friday, May 14, 2010

Eat your offspring?

I'm finding the practice of certain animals eating their young rather brilliant.  It solves a number of problems.  The first being simply, them.  The children.  The fruit of my loins.  The spawn of the devil.  No more whiny, drama, clingy, screaming, yelling, weeping, sassy, smart ass pile of hot mess.

Another benefit of eating your young?  Nutrition, duh.  I've spent a lot of money purchasing top quality organic shit for these evil little monsters and by consuming them, it'd be a little like recouping some of those expenses, right?

And finally, disposal of all evidence.

These children are going to kill me.  If I don't start getting some uninterrupted sleep in the near future, I may start hallucinating and as fun as that could be, hallucinating rarely ends well for anyone.

My body hurts.  I'm tired of the routine of getting both girls up and ready for daycare, while all the while trying to get myself ready.  I have 5 days left.  5 days.  I don't want to fight with grumpy 3 year olds and clingy 14 month olds who are woken up too early.  I don't want to hear the whine of an overdramatic drama queen go on and on about how much it hurts when I do her hair.  Or the scream of the baby when I wet her hair down to add the moisturizer.  I simply don't want to.  So, 5 days.  I can do anything for 5 days, right?

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