Sunday, September 27, 2009

Oh child, you lost your damn mind.

Yesterday Mike had run out to the grocery store, and I had both girls. Now, it never fails that as soon as he walks out the door, meltdowns ensue. Evie started screaming for whatever reason, and Layla starts being a little shit. It was late, so I know that she was tired, so that explains some of the behavior, but doesn't excuse it.

When Layla chooses not to take a time out, we either straddle her with her arms at her side so she can't kick or hit, or we hold her in a bear hug until she stands up to do her time out. Yes we look like idiots and child abusers, but it has saved us from jumping right to the spanking threat. So there I was holding her in a bear hug (always the least effective choice of the two, but easier on the knees) and she bites me. I don't know about you, but in our house if you bite out of anger, you're getting a spanking.

After the spanking she starts to calm down a bit, her head stops spinning around, and her eyes stop glowing read. And naturally Mike comes home just as she has her shit back together and Evie is now happy for whatever reason. As I'm sitting there peeing (with the door open, of course, cause doors are never closed in our house anymore) I hear her conversation with Mike.

"Layla, were you a good girl with mama"?

"I got time out. I got spanking". At this point she takes Mike by the hand and leads her to the bathroom door and points to me "you give mama a time out, daddy? You give mama spanking"? And proceeds to walk over to me and smack my ass.

Now, I didn't stop her, cause I wanted to see just how brave she got when her daddy came home. Mike couldn't even stay in the room cause he was laughing at being asked to give me a time out and spanking.

Oh little girl, how brave you become when your daddy is around.


  1. unresolved question: did Mike, in fact, give you a time out and a spanking?

  2. He's paying you, isn't he? Stop bugging me, man.