Saturday, February 6, 2010

I'm a bit sad tonight

Emotions may be catching up to me.  I'm feeling very melancholy tonight.  It was precipitated by a gut wrenching post about the death of a dog that I loved made by my sister-friend Kert and has left me feeling a bit empty and oddly void yet overwhelmed with emotions. 

The result will be this post that has no real starting point, direction, or topic.  Just a jumble of thoughts and feelings coupled with wine and a Bulls game that I don't want to be watching. 

I have been blessed with many wonderful people and pets in my life.  I have learned the cycle of life and death from a young age, and often with brutal memories.  I worry at times that my girls won't have access to the same wonderful role models and experiences that I've been fortunate enough to learn from. 

Gene, a hard working farmer who always had time for me.  Who handed me a million chores, but ones I did eagerly for an nod of approval and piece of candy that he always had in his shirt pocket.

Harold and Hazel.  My elderly next door neighbors who taught me to play cards like nobodies business and hid my Christmas presents when I got too clever for my folks and our tiny house.

Grandparents who taught me more than I will ever be skilled enough to write about.  I have too much respect for all of them to stumble over inadequate words right now to try and convey my gratitude.

My godparents, who are hilarious and so very real.  I hunted your land during deer season and shared many wonderful Thanksgivings with you.  And my heart breaks over the diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer for my godfather, and I promise to hold near my memories with you and your family and the laughs shared. 

The list goes on and on, but I know that Mike would like to get laid tonight, so I can't be a blubbering mess.  And, like I said, there is no point to this post.

But I can't help but hope that my girls, although separated from family by thousands of miles, will be fortunate enough to find those connections and role models that have rained on me my entire life.  And pets.  Pets that teach you patience, undying and unshakable love, along with responsibility and finally, the lessons on loss. 

But let's go ahead and make daddy deal with all these topics.  K?  Thanks. 

And, as the great Sam Cook said, I'm in a sad mood tonight.  But Saturday Night Live is on now, and it may save the tears for another day. 

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