One year ago today

Evie came into our world.

I had such a great birth experience with Evie.  Although it was a C section, it was planned.  I had PTSD after Layla's birth.  Literally.  After 24 hours of laboring, we lost the heartbeat and I believed that my child was slowly dying within me.  Whatever, I don't really want to go there tonight.  But it led me to choosing to have a repeat section instead of trying for a Vbac.  The worst part of Layla's birth was not having any control over the situation.  When shit goes bad, it goes real, real, bad.  And I found myself scared, helpless, and at the mercy of a doctor that I hated.  It took me a long time to recover from that birth, and I wasn't about to land myself in that situation again.  So I found myself a good group of midwives who would see me through the pregnancy and farm out the section to their partner OB.

It was all worth it.  I had to be at the hospital at an ungodly hour (5 am), but it was relaxed, we were able to solidify care for Layla during the "birth", and I liked and trusted my OB.  Hell, we spent the vast majority of the surgery joking around.  It was relaxed, non-crisis, and, well, fun?  When Evie was placed in my arms, she looked just like her sister.  Okay, her sister minus over two pounds of "big girl" that Layla had over her.  But she was perfect.  And beautiful.

I remember the first time that she was handed to me.  The first time that she nursed.  The first time her sister met her.  It was all such a gift.  And today I felt as though I was reliving it all.

Minus the morphine drip.

Bummer.