Wednesday, July 21, 2010


I have never needed to have a cavity so bad in my life.  I am actually giddy with anticipation because I get to go to the dentist tomorrow and see my good friend, nitrous oxide.  Dentists and I never had a good relationship.  My unnatural fear of them led to years of neglect, which led to pushy and judgmental jerks when I finally did go, ending in my really not going to avoid being made to feel bad.

Until I found the guy I see now.  They have nitrous tanks in every room but the bathroom, and they don't make you feel bad about using it.  It's my own little mommy break, if you will.  My escape from reality.  Legal high that I'm at no risk for abusing because insurance only covers so much dental over the course of the year.

"Please turn the gas up as high as you can, I have a high tolerance".

"Well, let's just start here and see how that goes".


"Nope, you're gonna need to go higher.  Higher.  Keep going".

Holy shit, how did I end up on the ceiling?  Oh snap, I need to play this cool so they don't see how messed up I am and turn it down!  Why is the record skipping?  Please don't talk to me, cause I don't think I could answer you and then you'd turn the magic machine off.  Settle down, April.  You're gonna blow it.

And that, in a nut shell, is my mama break from reality.  The likelihood of me ever getting to the point of eagerly awaiting my next dentist appointment would be akin to me lining up to get as many shots as possible.

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